We’re all waiting for good news.

So, it was results day yesterday.

Almost all of my friends did so well, I’m honestly so happy for them. I didn’t do too well but it was not particularly shabby either. Just meh. Ordinary, mediocre. Not great. Not bad. However, it brought an odd sense of deja-vu to the time I was receiving my SPM results and I was even happier for my friend who got straight A+s than my own grades. No seriously, I had tears in my eyes from how proud of her I was. It was then that I realised that I have only ever felt that way about other people, but never for myself.

A curious case, really. Is it because I know it is something I cannot achieve? Or is it because I have absolutely no faith in myself? Or am I just happier for the achievements of others than my own?

It’s so confusing when you aren’t sure what you’re feeling. I know that I am never jealous or envious of my friends’ grades. If anything, the first thought that goes through my mind is usually, “Oh my god, am I even worth being friends with them?”rather than the usual “The fuck bitch you aint deserving of that grade”. 

I don’t know what did says about me. I just hope that come A2, maybe I won’t just be so proud of my friends. Maybe I will be proud of me too.



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